"Money Don't Buy Everything It's True"

So I went by an ATM this evening 'cause I was in need of some cash, and I happened to look at the receipt for my transaction. My bank is kind enough to keep a running balance of available funds in the account on your receipt, and I noticed that I have about $250-300 more in the bank than I should. This leads me to only one conclusion: mom's been depositing money in the account again on the sly without telling me.

On the face of it, this sounds like a really nice thing to do. And it does sound nice, right up until you understand why she did it--she doesn't trust me.

See, she's doing this to keep me from overdrafting my account and bouncing a check. She's afraid that I don't have enough fiscal sense to keep from overdrawing on my account, even though I have never once in the past eight or nine years done so. The secret deposit is merely an example of her lack of faith in me.

She figures that if she does it without me knowing about it, I won't spend it. Not only that, she also assumes that I'm too damn stupid to know to stop spending money when I'm running low.

Nevermind the fact that I deposited over $300 myself in the account last Friday, or that I'll be receiving another $180 from Beth any day now. Nevermind that I'll deposit another $300 in the account next Friday--mom assumes that my spending habits and common sense are so poor, I need extra money from her to keep me from screwing up.

In part, she's kinda right. I don't have very good spending habits, and I tend not to have much common sense when it comes to money. I mean, I've already run through all the cash I' d kept out from my paycheck last Friday. But I think part of the problem (by no means the entire problem, though--I'm not placing all the blame on someone else) is that mom's never let me fall on my ass financially. She's always covered me, several times using this covert method so I don't know about it. The thing is, I'm improving, I'm getting better--I don't spend as recklessly as I did a semester or two ago. I try to budget. But things like this...while I appreciate her giving me money, it also hurts me to know that she has that little faith in me.

I don't know how to really react to this. On the one hand, it gives me even more cushion in my account. On the other hand, it means mom still doesn't think enough of me to let me take care of things on my own. She complains that I'm not independent enough, but she keeps doing things like this that only reaffirm my dependence on her. It's very frustrating.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: Oasis, "D'You Know What I Mean?"