Friday, May 28, 2004

"We Make It Harder Than It Has To Be"

Sittin' here at work, without much to do right now. There's a chance I'll be here all day, because the woman who is supposed to work the rest of the day called and is feeling rather sick.

Part of me likes the idea of working the rest of the day. God knows I could do with the hours. On the other hand, I'm a lazy person and would rather spend the afternoon relaxing and running the errands I need to run. Guess we'll just have to see whether Vicki shows up in a couple of hours or not.

Put in my "Change of Major" request today, which is basically the form I have to fill out to go from being a Master's student to being a PhD student. Took all of two minutes. Would've had this done two months ago if the freakin' form had been available, but it only became available again today (and they want all applications for the fall in by Tuesday, with this weekend being a holiday and thus everything closed on Monday. Someone wasn't thinking very clearly when they set these deadlines).

Anyway, with that mostly out of the way (need to call the history office here in a while and discuss with them what all I need to bring over to complete this debacle), I can start to concentrate on other things, like my Master's Thesis. And booze. Lots and lots of booze...okay, not really, but a man can pretend.

In other news, today is payday, and also Heather's birthday. So happy birthday to Heather and happy payday to me (this means I can pay my rent Tuesday! Huzzah!).

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: The Eagles, "The Long Run"

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

"Book Of My Life"

So I've been getting these emails from the OU Library the past few weeks about a book I requested over Interlibrary Loan being overdue. It's a book I asked for to work on my Master's Thesis, and I did indeed get this book (I think it ended up coming from OBU, actually), but I also turned all the books I had checked out for the Thesis back in right after Spring Break. This book was among them.

So why am I getting these damn overdue notices, I wonder? Well, I wander on down to the library last week one afternoon after work, and I have a little chat with the girl who does all the Interlibrary Loan stuff. So she says she'll look into it, and asks me to go ahead and check my place for the book again. Okay, sure, I'll play along--even though I know the book isn't in my apartment, my car, anyone else's apartment, or my parents' house (it never actually left my apartment between the time I checked it out and the time I returned it), I'll look for it again.

Anyway, I sent them an email yesterday informing them I did not have the book in my possession. They sent me a reply back this afternoon telling me they could not find it in their stuff, either, so they'd get back to me on how much replacing the book would cost.

Now wait a minute--I was not the one who lost the book. I know I returned the damn thing. So why am I being charged money to replace it?

Yeah, I'm going down tomorrow to have another little chat to explain why the person who did not lose the book is not the person who should have to pay for it. We'll see how it goes.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Glen Phillips, "Courage"
Who's Returned, Now? I Didn't Catch That

Guess what I picked up last night at midnight?

No, not the new Avril Lavigne CD. God, get your head on straight.

Here's a hint--it deals with the return of certain monarchial figures to their rightful place.

Yup, that's right--Return of the King! It was all I could do to not go ahead and watch it last night after I got it. The only thing that really stopped me was having to wake up early this morning to come in to work. But it'll probably get watched sometime this week, I can almost guarantee it.

And if nothing else, Jess, Dom, Beth, and I are planning a Lord of the Rings marathon for sometime this weekend (probably Monday, Memorial Day, actually) with the first two Extended Editions and the regular version of Return of the King, since that's all we have of the third one so far. But just think--isn't it nice to see a sci-fi/fantasy triology that actually lives up to expectations and does not disappoint like a couple of others I could mention? Kudos, Peter Jackson. Kudos.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Cake, "Long Line of Cars"

Monday, May 24, 2004

"You Take Me Far Away--Not From Myself, But From My Pain"

First, an interesting link I found earlier today about Ford's new electric/gas hybrid SUV. That's right--they're finally gonna make one of those damned things that doesn't guzzle gas. I'm rather impressed with the idea, mostly because Ford managed to create a hybrid car that (1) looks decent (that's the biggest problem I think most people have with the hybrid cars--they look butt-ugly) and (2) meets the desires of the American public. I mean,the thing is basically a Ford Escape with a few mechanical differences, right? It's a pretty impressive thing. I think I want to get a hybrid car...when I can afford one. Admittedly, it's going to be a long, long time before I can afford to buy any sort of car by myself.

Anyway, on to other, more immediate things...

Jess, Dom, and Beth came over last night for dinner. I'd received a heckuva mess of leftovers from my aunt Saturday night, so we had a little cook-in (like a cookout, only done inside the apartment) and just sat around all night shooting the proverbial bull. We basically just hung out for about eight hours straight, spending most of that time just talking about anything and everything. As a result of said talking, I came to a very definite conclusion--Jessica and I should not discuss politics or religion.

There are certain things we agree on. Faith, rather than religion, is what's important. Politicians are idiots. Beyond that, it's almost a guarantee that if I have one opinion of a given topic, her opinion on it will be the opposite. She's a very conservative individual, and I'm...not. I'd probably describe myself as a moderate liberal. I don't agree with a bunch of the crap that people have attached to the term "liberal," such as throwing money at a problem to make it go away, etc., but I'm also definitely not a conservative. Conservatives are almost instinctively distrustful of intellectuals, and I kinda consider myself one of those. But get Jess and I discussing politics, and it's like a house on fire--lots of yelling and screaming, and a good chance there won't be any survivors.

But when we got out of the realm of "stuff that should not be discussed because it just pisses people off," we had some good conversations, the four of us. One of the interesting things we talked about was why Jessica is in the job she's got. She really doesn't like it, and we're not entirely sure what keeps motivating her to get out of bed in the morning and go to work. Part of it has to deal with the idea of a greater purpose that she cannot see. Y'know, God's plan or something to that effect. Things happen for a reason, as far as I can tell, though we don't always recognize that reason or why it's important.

So then the conversation strays to what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, and why maybe I got rejected by all those grad schools--maybe that's not what I'm supposed to do. Maybe I'm supposed to do something with this Seminary in Louisville that keeps calling me all the time. Maybe that's my purpose--to go join the ministry. But I'm still not certain about that, and I think I know why--I don't think I'm good enough for that.

I honestly don't think I'm a good enough or devout enough individual to become a minister and lead a group of people on their spiritual journey. I have nowhere near the confidence to do that at this point in my life. It's not that I don't believe there's a God or anything like that--I believe that even when all the physical evidence seems to suggest there couldn't be a supernatural being. It's more that...I don't think I'm a very good person. Not just that I occasionally stumble or occasionally do something sinful or wrong, but I think I have some intrinsic personality traits that make me poorly designed to lead others on their spiritual paths.

Maybe it's risidual guilt that's been pounded into my head from reading St. Augustine. That guy wanted everyone to think they were bad, bad, bad. We're all inately sinful, according to him. That's not something I like to believe--I think good and evil are choices we make on a daily basis, even if we're not aware we're choosing--but I think too often, I don't choose good. It's not that I explicitly choose evil, but I think I often fail to choose good. And I'm not certain that's good for a clergyman of any denomination.

I'm going to try to call the Seminary today or tomorrow and see why they keep calling me. I'm curious, I'm admit, and it may be a way to get out of Oklahoma. Admittedly, it'd land me in Kentuky, which isn't so much a step up as it is to the side, but's a change, and it's something new. All I really know is that I can't stay here. Oklahoma will swallow me whole if I stay here.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Glen Phillips, "Far Away"

Sunday, May 23, 2004

"Baby Said She's Travelling On The One After 909"

Went to my aunt and uncle's place last night for a bit of food and entertainment. The guys from my uncle's band were gathered with their wives to have a baby shower for the drummer's wife (who is pregnant enough to pop any day my aunt said, there's no way this woman will make it to the 17th of June. I'd be surprised if the baby wasn't born by the end of next week). So they fed me, and they played music.

It was a fun evening, though the music wasn't as great as I was hoping for. The biggest problem was that (1) they mostly played bluegrass, and (2) when they played a song I did know and knew the words to, they'd play it in a key I couldn't sing.

Now, the bluegrass thing isn't that big of a deal. I can handle bluegrass, in small doses. Admittedly, this was like a four or five hour dose, but no worries. The other bothered me more, because I came across sounding completely awful every time they played a song I knew (with the exception of Van Morrison's "Wild Night," which I can sing very well, and Tom Petty's "Listen to Her Heart," which I think I did decently on). But all the Beatles tunes they played were out of my (admittedly limited) range.

Ah well. I got lots of leftovers from the shin-dig. Beth and I are gonna dig in to some of the hamburgers here in a while, actually.

Haven't talked about Dim Bulb in a while. All the comics are neck-deep in plot right now. I'm getting ready to reach the end of a storyline in Crooked Halo (should end in about a week and a half, actually). Adam's building up steam in Vapor Lock. And Troubled Times is getting ready to have a nice little twist or two to keep everyone nice and interested.

As far as numbers are concerned, Dim Bulb is doing quite well. We're averaging about 90-95 unique visitors per day, and this makes me happy. Folks seem to like our work and keep wanting to come back to see more of it. I'd like to be able to top 100 unique visitors per day if we can manage it. We're on the verge of it--not bad for a year's worth of work, eh?

Wow, a year...hard to believe that on the 18th of June, Dim Bulb will be a year old. We've grown a lot and made a lot of good connections. Just imagine what year two will be like.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: The Beatles, "Across the Universe"

Friday, May 21, 2004

"Fighting For A Lost Cause"

Finally got the rejection letter from Ohio State this afternoon. It was accompanied by the pile of junk mail that usually inhabits my mailbox--rather telling, I thought.

One interesting thing I did note in the letter that I hadn't seen in any of the others I've received thusfar--they said if I wanted to call and talk to them and find out how to strengthen my application, I should feel free to do so. This is not an offer I've received from anyone else thusfar. I'm going to take them up on it, even if not to get into Ohio State, but rather some other university. Any and all help to get me out of this God forsaken state would be wonderful.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Beck, "Lost Cause"
"And Instead Of Saying All Of Your Goodbyes"

So I was talking with Beth yesterday afternoon after we'd gone to get some frozen custard (it seemed a nice way to round out our meal--I actually cooked, though using the term "cooked" to apply to heating up meat on a grill and making instant rice may be stretching the term just a bit), and she mentioned it was just now hitting her that she probably won't be seeing most of her friends again for a very long time, if at all. "These are the people I've seen every day for four years," she said. These were the people she'd gone to class with, stayed up all night studying with, had movie marathons and random fun with. These were the people she'd chosen to spend four years of her life with, and now they are having to part. It's not an easy thing--even two years after I graduated from Ozarks, I still have trouble dealing with being separated from the people I chose while I was there.

But here's the dilemma, the eternal problem that we have to attempt to solve as we go through life--we can't stay where we are. We cannot remain static, in the same place for ever and ever, though some may try. There is no going home in the metaphysical sense, because when you go back, it's never the same. Even when I go to visit Ozarks, a place that felt very much like home, I have this bizzare sense of being an insider and an outsider all at once. It feels as though I never left, and as though I no longer belong. We don't necessarily outgrow these places, these people, and it's not that we change so much that we're no longer compatible with them, just that our time here is over. These people remain your friends, but the nature of the friendship has to change somewhat. Rather than just hanging out with someone, you talk to them over the phone or via the internet. You send messages back and forth across distance as opposed to across the room or across town.

One of my favorite songs is "Do You Realize??" by the Flaming Lips (a band that's quickly becoming one of my favorite contemporary bands). It's a very moving song, very beautiful, and full of hard truths set to a poignant melody. The chorus runs something like this:

"And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round."

Life does go fast. It is hard to make anything, good or bad, last. So I think rather than saying goodbye to my friends--something that I, like Beth, will have to do all too soon, when she leaves in a few short weeks--I should let them know how much I love them. All of my friends, regardless of who or where they are, and when I last saw them or when I'll next see them. That's the only thing that makes life worth living, it's the only thing that keeps us sane. We have to cherish what we have, but we cannot cling to it too much, for everything is transient and temporary, and nothing lasts forever.

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the time I've spent with my friends, or that this is the end of anything. Life is full of meetings and partings, comings and goings. While part of me may feel that by having to stay at OU a while longer, I'm being left behind by those I've grown close to here, that is not necessarily the case. That's just the illusion caused by the world spinning 'round.


Song of the Moment: Flaming Lips, "Do You Realize??"

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

"Homeward Bound"

Various conversations in the past couple of days have revealed several impending homecomings.

I spoke with Amanda Webster on the phone earlier this afternoon (it was around 10.00 pm in Ireland, where she is), and she and the Ozarks group that went to Ireland (which includes the indomitable Amanda Erisman as well) are leavin' on a jetplane bright and early tomorrow morning to come back to the States. So they'll be back sometime late tomorrow evening, and though I'm sure they'll be sad to leave beautiful Ireland, I'll be glad to have them back...even if it only means that I'll be able to have internet conversations with them on occasion (I still need contact with them, after all).

Also spoke with my aunt yesterday afternoon. Aside from inviting me to their place this Saturday for food and music (an invitation which I gladly accepted--like I'd pass up free food), she told me that my cousin--who's in one of those eastern Europe republics formed out of the decaying corpse of the former Soviet Union--will be coming home a week from today. Granted, he'll just be returning to New Mexico for the time being, but apparently the first chance he gets, he and his wife and daughter are going to be coming to Oklahoma for a welcome home party. And in November, when he's discharged from the Air Force, apparently they're moving back to Oklahoma permanently.

S'funny--I'm trying my damnedest to get the hell out of this state, while my cousin is trying with all his might to get back in. It's a funny ol' world, ain't it?

Been hard at work gathering tunes for Jessica and Dominic's wedding. Aside from drawing two weeks' worth of comics yesterday afternoon, that's about the only productive thing I've done all week. I feel kinda guilty for being so unproductive, but at the same time...hell, I need the break. And...I'm trying to spend as much time with Beth and Jess & Dom as I can while I still can. After all, Beth is leaving right after the wedding, and the next time I'll get to see her is in mid-August, when we take her to Florida. And there's not much chance of me being able to pop down to Tallahassee to visit that often, y'know? And who knows where Jess and Dom will be after they get back from their honeymoon. Y'know, it feels like I just did this not too long ago when I left Ozarks. Why the hell is it happening again so soon? Blarg.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Steve Miller Band, "Abracadabra"

Friday, May 14, 2004

"Foolin' Yourself And You Don't Believe It"

So Scott and I were supposed to go see Styx and Peter Frampton last night at the Zoo Ampitheatre in OKC. This is an outdoor venue. There were several inches of rain dropped on central Oklahoma yesterday afternoon. Needless to say, the concert was rescheduled for the middle of July.

What that meant was that Scott and I sat around and played videogames all last night instead. Didn't really get anything accomplished in any of the games (well, in MarioKart, which was the only game I was concerned with doing anything in), just sorta tooled around and had some fun. Then we got up this morning and I took him back home, got my hair cut (and my beard trimmed, 'cause it was getting a wee bit scraggly), and had a quick bite o' lunch with our grandmother. Then I ran back to Norman, picked up my paycheck, and came to work. Work has been...quiet. There's no one here. We had one student all afternoon, and he was pretty self-sufficient (except for when I had to proofread his one paper, which took all of ten minutes out of my busy schedule).

Tonight, Beth and I are going to run, then give Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles multiplayer a shot. Should be fun. I've been playing through in single player, and I'm progressing nicely in that. But the whole point of getting this game (aside from having an RPG on the Gamecube) was so that Beth could play with me. We've got all the equipment we need (two Gameboy Advances, link cables to allow us to use said GBA's as 'Cube controllers, the game), so it's time to see how this works. I'm rather excited.

There's other stuff to talk about, I'm sure, but (1) it's quittin' time and (2) not sure I want to talk about it yet. Kinda funny to be afraid to post something in a "personal" thing such as this, but then again, I remember that several of my close friends read this thing, and I'd surely hear about anything I did post that was of a controversial nature.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: The Beatles, "Tell me what you see"

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

"Talkin' All Night Long"

Yesterday was an interesting day. Clif and I spent the day recording a couple of new songs (three brand new songs, a re-recording of "Substance Abuse," and a self-parody of "Never Knew Joy" called "Never Knew Flight"). Then I went for a short and rather pathetic jog, then Beth and I went video game shopping.

See, I got Beth a Gameboy Advance for a graduation gift (Scott was able to find a really good deal on one on eBay). Well, she wanted one specifically for one game: Sword of Mana. So we went in search of Sword of Mana (ended up finding it at Best Buy for $30, which was the best price we could find in town). During our search, however, we ran across Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles at Target on sale for $40.

Now, I've been wanting to get Crystal Chronicles. Beth even said she'd play it with me (it plays a lot like the old Secret of Mana game, in that it's an RPG but not a turn-based one. No, you just get to hack-and-slash your way through to your heart's content). So that was part of the motivation for even getting her a GBA--that way, she play. Well, having found it on such a good deal (it's usually $50), and a deal that was ending that day, Beth went ahead and picked it up for me (I'm gonna reimburse her on payday this Friday). So I was a happy boy about that.

After making our video game purchases, we had dinner with Jessica and Dominic, then returned to my place for some four-player MarioKart action. Ended up unlocking a couple of new characters even, which surprised me--I didn't think there were anymore characters to unlock.

Jessica and Dominic left around midnight so Jess could get some sleep and get up early to go to work, and Beth and I sat in my apartment for the next three hours just chatting. And I went into blithering, blabbering idiot mode, and just started saying anything and everything that's concerning and worrying me: school, work, my Master's Thesis, what I'm going to do next year, and things of that nature.

And then I bring out the big guns--abandonment issues. With her and Jessica and Dominic all leaving soon, it's hitting me pretty hard. I had to leave Ozarks a couple of years ago, and that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. And here I'd just gotten used to being around these people, just gotten comfortable with them, and they have to leave. Blah. I mean, it's not like it's their fault or anything for leaving, and I don't blame them for it or anything. I just...don't look forward to having to try to make more new friends.

And of course, there's also the whole question of what Beth and I kissing actually amounted to. We talked about that, too (told you I went into blithering idiot mode). As I told Beth, I'm the sort of person who, metaphorically speaking, sees a thread and has to pull it to see what happens and where it leads. Turns out this one really doesn't lead anywhere--the incident was something of an abberation, a one-time deal, and not likely to ever happen again. But I'm okay with that--as I told Beth, and as I've said ever since I started being around her more and more, I'm content just being her friend. I'd like more than that, but my world will not be shattered if she and I remain just friends. We still get to hang out, it's not like there's awkward silences or anything. So at least it isn't going to ruin anything between us.

Well, work is over. Perhaps more later.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: David Gray, "Magdalene"

Sunday, May 09, 2004

"It's All Over Now, Baby Blue"

I think graduation is one of the most bittersweet moments in life.

On the one hand, hey, you've just done something wonderful and impressive and worth being proud of. You have accomplished something big.

On the other hand, this part of your life has come to an end. My friends will soon be leaving me. This time next month, Jess and Dom will be getting married or already married (I can't remember the exact date). Then they'll head off on their honeymoon. Beth'll leave me for New York. When Jess and Dom return, who knows where they'll end up. Maybe still here, maybe Shawnee, maybe OKC...

And in August, we move Beth to Florida State.

They're all leaving me again. It's like Ozarks all over again, only this time, it'll be worse.

This time, it's not possible to go back for a visit. There're no new people to look forward to meeting in a new place, because I'm still stuck in the same place.

And my refuge, Clarksville, is losing most of the people who made it so.

All of these notions hit me this past evening while I attended the Geosciences Graduation at OU for Beth and Dominic. Wandering around the reception afterwards, taking snapshots for Beth of her and all her friends...several of them will be in the close proximity to one another next Fall. I know at least one or two of Beth's friends are going to Florida State as well. Most of my close friends are leaving me.

I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but I hating parting. I hate it when those I love go away, even if that's exactly what is right for them to do. But I hate the loneliness, and loathe myself all the more sometimes for the fact that I'm not leaving, too.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: New Radicals, "Crying Like a Church on Monday"

Saturday, May 08, 2004

"Congratulations--You Got A Good Deal"

Congratulations to everyone I know graduating today or in the near future.

Now get off yer lazy bums and get jobs, ya slackers.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: New Radicals, "Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too"

Friday, May 07, 2004

"Mother We Just Can't Get Enough"

Well, got my 30 page Tolkien paper finished up a few hours ago. It's been a fairly busy several days since I last wrote. Finally felt well enough Wednesday to start writing. Had six pages by the end of Wednesday. Had 20 by the time I finally collapsed this morning around 4.30 or 5.00 (note to self--staying awake all night is all well and good if you've not been sick for the better part of a week and have actually been eating enough to give you the energy to do so). Got up this morning and added another eight and a bit pages, added a Works Cited and Title pages, emailed it off to the professor (he's out of town, and wants our final exams and my paper via email). Then I went and actually paid my rent (which I should have done Monday, but...that was Monday. We all remember Monday, right? Yeah, I couldn't hardly walk across my apartment on Monday, there was no way I was walking across campus).

While I was out paying rent and returning books to the library (on time for once!), I happened to run into Beth and her mother (long story involving her mother actually trying to get into Norman yesterday, but I'll save that for tomorrow or the next time I don't really have anything to post about in particular. I'm a man on a mission here). So here I am--haven't showered yet, because I've been typing all day, and I figured if I was gonna walk around campus in the heat of May in Oklahoma, I should wait until after I'm done with that to shower. I haven't shaved in a few days, 'cause I've been lazy and busy. And I'm wearing my glasses, again because I've been writing and because I'm lazy. I've just got some old running shorts on (don't worry, my "running shorts" are actually more like basketball shorts--really long and loose. I wasn't about to go wandering around in those skimpy near-thongs that runners call "shorts"), a ratty old undershirt, and yesterday's overshirt just tossed on over it so I'm not a complete slob. Later jokingly accused Beth of having planned that random encounter. On the other hand, when we were introduced, her mother said, "this is The Chuck?" I found the definite article amusing. Guess I'm singular or something. Beth said it's mostly because virtually everyone else she knows of, she knows more than one person by that name. Not so with Chuck--I'm unique and stuff.

Anyway, I've been all productive and stuff the past couple of days, but my work still is not done. Yes, the Tolkien paper is finished and sent, but I still have to do the take home exam for that class. And I need to do it today, really. And I have no motivation to do it. Not only that, I haven't the slightest clue how to even start going about writing this damn thing. The question doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, and I don't really know how to answer it at the moment. What I'm thinking will probably happen is I'll take a break from this crap, not think about history for a while, and reapproach it later tonight, when I've rested a little and had a few hours to enjoy myself and not feel so pressured to get crap done.

It's 6.00 pm on the bloody last day of finals. I shouldn't be this stressed still. This time last year, I was kickin' back, having spent most of the week working in the writing center (well, not "working"...more like "reading Terry Pratchett novels and doodling"). Even last semester wasn't so bad. Why is it the less structure I have, the more stressed I seem to be?

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Alice Cooper, "School's Out"

Monday, May 03, 2004

"Called The Tune To Many A Torture Session"

So I'm feelin' really, really sick right now. It all started late Saturday afternoon. I'd been kinda sore and achy all day, mostly because I only got like three hours of sleep Friday night, and they weren't comfortable hours of sleep. My shoulder, the back of my neck (where it meets the base of the skull), and my head were all aching like nobody's business. I took some Advil stuff, and it make the aching go away, for the most part.

Then I slept for about 12 hours. That was nice.

But it didn't solve the problem. When I woke up yesterday, I still felt a little blah. Not only that, but during the night, I'd woken up several times dripping with sweat. Hurray for feavers, eh? Anyway, I went to work yesterday afternoon, and was feeling pretty nasty still. It took me two hours to get my body temperature regulated--from about the time I woke up until about 2.30, I felt too warm, but also kinda clammy. Then I started getting cold chills while I was at work, and I was running a feaver again. So around 6.30, I finally decided to pack it in and go home. I wasn't doing anyone any good, I was aching in my neck and head again, and I was feeling lightheaded. It took me ten minutes just to walk back to my car, and almost another ten to get back home (and home is only a three or four minute drive, even with heavy traffic). I took more medicine and crashed again for a few hours. Then I woke up around 9.30, went out and got some food, ate, puttered around the apartment for a few hours (though not at a very fast pace...I was still feeling lightheaded whenever I moved too quickly), and went to bed again.

Woke up this morning still feeling pretty nasty. Until about an hour ago, I couldn't sit up in a chair for more than a few minutes without feeling lightheaded. I'm feelng a bit better now, but not much.

And this is all very, very bad. I've got too much to do this week to be sick. And I have to work every night, and I don't want to get anyone at work sick. Mom thinks it might be a bug of some sort. Ev thinks it's stress-related. I don't know why I feel like crap, but I know I'm sick of being sick.

All I can say is that I need to be able to concentrate so I can get my paper and my take home exam done by Friday afternoon. They HAVE to be done. No more extensions, y'know?

Besides, I can't get anyone to come near me while I'm like this. And that's probably the most annoying part of all.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Counting Crows, "Kid Things"