"Talkin' All Night Long"

Yesterday was an interesting day. Clif and I spent the day recording a couple of new songs (three brand new songs, a re-recording of "Substance Abuse," and a self-parody of "Never Knew Joy" called "Never Knew Flight"). Then I went for a short and rather pathetic jog, then Beth and I went video game shopping.

See, I got Beth a Gameboy Advance for a graduation gift (Scott was able to find a really good deal on one on eBay). Well, she wanted one specifically for one game: Sword of Mana. So we went in search of Sword of Mana (ended up finding it at Best Buy for $30, which was the best price we could find in town). During our search, however, we ran across Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles at Target on sale for $40.

Now, I've been wanting to get Crystal Chronicles. Beth even said she'd play it with me (it plays a lot like the old Secret of Mana game, in that it's an RPG but not a turn-based one. No, you just get to hack-and-slash your way through to your heart's content). So that was part of the motivation for even getting her a GBA--that way, she play. Well, having found it on such a good deal (it's usually $50), and a deal that was ending that day, Beth went ahead and picked it up for me (I'm gonna reimburse her on payday this Friday). So I was a happy boy about that.

After making our video game purchases, we had dinner with Jessica and Dominic, then returned to my place for some four-player MarioKart action. Ended up unlocking a couple of new characters even, which surprised me--I didn't think there were anymore characters to unlock.

Jessica and Dominic left around midnight so Jess could get some sleep and get up early to go to work, and Beth and I sat in my apartment for the next three hours just chatting. And I went into blithering, blabbering idiot mode, and just started saying anything and everything that's concerning and worrying me: school, work, my Master's Thesis, what I'm going to do next year, and things of that nature.

And then I bring out the big guns--abandonment issues. With her and Jessica and Dominic all leaving soon, it's hitting me pretty hard. I had to leave Ozarks a couple of years ago, and that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. And here I'd just gotten used to being around these people, just gotten comfortable with them, and they have to leave. Blah. I mean, it's not like it's their fault or anything for leaving, and I don't blame them for it or anything. I just...don't look forward to having to try to make more new friends.

And of course, there's also the whole question of what Beth and I kissing actually amounted to. We talked about that, too (told you I went into blithering idiot mode). As I told Beth, I'm the sort of person who, metaphorically speaking, sees a thread and has to pull it to see what happens and where it leads. Turns out this one really doesn't lead anywhere--the incident was something of an abberation, a one-time deal, and not likely to ever happen again. But I'm okay with that--as I told Beth, and as I've said ever since I started being around her more and more, I'm content just being her friend. I'd like more than that, but my world will not be shattered if she and I remain just friends. We still get to hang out, it's not like there's awkward silences or anything. So at least it isn't going to ruin anything between us.

Well, work is over. Perhaps more later.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: David Gray, "Magdalene"