"And Instead Of Saying All Of Your Goodbyes"

So I was talking with Beth yesterday afternoon after we'd gone to get some frozen custard (it seemed a nice way to round out our meal--I actually cooked, though using the term "cooked" to apply to heating up meat on a grill and making instant rice may be stretching the term just a bit), and she mentioned it was just now hitting her that she probably won't be seeing most of her friends again for a very long time, if at all. "These are the people I've seen every day for four years," she said. These were the people she'd gone to class with, stayed up all night studying with, had movie marathons and random fun with. These were the people she'd chosen to spend four years of her life with, and now they are having to part. It's not an easy thing--even two years after I graduated from Ozarks, I still have trouble dealing with being separated from the people I chose while I was there.

But here's the dilemma, the eternal problem that we have to attempt to solve as we go through life--we can't stay where we are. We cannot remain static, in the same place for ever and ever, though some may try. There is no going home in the metaphysical sense, because when you go back, it's never the same. Even when I go to visit Ozarks, a place that felt very much like home, I have this bizzare sense of being an insider and an outsider all at once. It feels as though I never left, and as though I no longer belong. We don't necessarily outgrow these places, these people, and it's not that we change so much that we're no longer compatible with them, just that our time here is over. These people remain your friends, but the nature of the friendship has to change somewhat. Rather than just hanging out with someone, you talk to them over the phone or via the internet. You send messages back and forth across distance as opposed to across the room or across town.

One of my favorite songs is "Do You Realize??" by the Flaming Lips (a band that's quickly becoming one of my favorite contemporary bands). It's a very moving song, very beautiful, and full of hard truths set to a poignant melody. The chorus runs something like this:

"And instead of saying all of your goodbyes
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning 'round."

Life does go fast. It is hard to make anything, good or bad, last. So I think rather than saying goodbye to my friends--something that I, like Beth, will have to do all too soon, when she leaves in a few short weeks--I should let them know how much I love them. All of my friends, regardless of who or where they are, and when I last saw them or when I'll next see them. That's the only thing that makes life worth living, it's the only thing that keeps us sane. We have to cherish what we have, but we cannot cling to it too much, for everything is transient and temporary, and nothing lasts forever.

That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the time I've spent with my friends, or that this is the end of anything. Life is full of meetings and partings, comings and goings. While part of me may feel that by having to stay at OU a while longer, I'm being left behind by those I've grown close to here, that is not necessarily the case. That's just the illusion caused by the world spinning 'round.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: Flaming Lips, "Do You Realize??"