"Losers: The Soundtrack, Volume 2"

Today has been an absolutely beautiful day. The weather was perfect--warm, sunny, just a little too breezy perhaps. Managed to get my lunch for free, which I thought was cool (got some cheese bread from Little Caesars--apparently they dropped the first batch on the floor, so they had to redo it. The manager decided that, since I had to wait an extra ten minutes for my food, I should get it for free. That was cool). Also went joggging for the first time in like three months. Hurt like hell, but felt good at the same time.

Anyway, as is my wont on this day, I have compiled a list of songs which are...appropriate, for a given value of the term. Each song was hand-picked for its applicability to being single on this most annoying of holidays. So, without further ado, here's the second volume of Losers: The Soundtrack.

1. Moxy Fruvous - "Losers." A nine second burst of stage chatter wherein one of the Fruvous boys asks the audience how many of them like losers.
2. Flaming Lips - "Fight Test." One of the most heartfelt and bittersweet songs about a guy who shoulda beat the crap out of the other suitor ever.
3. Reel Big Fish - "Dateless Losers." An unbeat, fairly self-explanatory song about geeks who just want to be loved.
4. Santana - "Evil Ways." Y'know, sometimes you just run across a woman who burns you no matter what.
5. Old 97s - "Four Leaf Clover." A litany of things that ought to be lucky--a four leaf clover, a silver dollar, and a horseshoe--that don't bring the singer what he really wants: the girl's love.
6. Dashboard Confessional - "Again I go Unnoticed." Whiney "why won't she pay attention to me" lyrics against a wash of quickly-strummed acoustic guitars. I used to write poetry like this--when I was 15.
7. Puddle of Mudd - "She Hates Me." One of those, "wait, I've been screwed over" songs. Kinda crass and chauvanistic, but fun nonetheless.
8. They Might be Giants - "Lucky Ball and Chain." Typical TMBG greatness. Witty, wry, and heartfelt, it's a great song about the one who went away, leaving you to sit on a barstool and mope.
9. The Beatles - "I Don't Want to Spoil the Party." The Beatles at their most Dylanesque. A wonderfully meloncholy tune about losing the girl you love.
10. Switchfoot - "The Loser." Goodtime power-pop fun. It's like, pop-rock. Yeah (lemme alone, I haven't actually listened to the song in awhile).
11. Cars - "My Best Friend's Girl." One of the best '80s songs out there, a street corner lament over a lost love now going out with one's best friend.
12. Less Than Jake - "Jen Doesn't Like me Anymore." Pop-punk tune about a girl's fickle feelings.
13. Barenaked Ladies - "Blame it on Me." Typical BNL love song about the ups and downs of a romantic relationship. And it features one of the coolest lines ever: "You think you're so smart, but I've seen you naked/And I'll probably see you naked again."
14. Electric Light Orchestra - "Evil Woman." This song is what ELO was all about: the strings, the harmonies, and the catch chorus. And the theme? Likewise a classic: the woman's done him wrong, he warns her that someday all her evil deeds will come back to haunt her.
15. David Gray - "What am I Doing Wrong?" The nice guy's lament. A beautiful circular guitar figure highlights this excellent, plaintive number from Gray's Sell, Sell, Sell album.
16. The Offspring - "She's Got Issues." It's the Offspring. If you've heard one of their songs, you've really heard all of them, but this one is still fun in a mean-spirited sort of way. Which, y'know, if you're depressed or angry or whatever, is probably okay.
17. Glen Phillips - "Professional Victim." An excellent song about the bad habit some people have of always playing the victim in a relationship. For fun, the demo version of the song (which has a big more energy than the album version) is worth a listen.
18. Vertical Horizon - "Everything You Want." I know no one listens to pop-rock from the late '90s anymore, but hey, the song really fit. I mean, it's all about a girl not recognizing the good thing she has right in front of her.
19. Wilco - "Should've Been in Love." A wistful, regret-filled tune from A.M. Whether it's a lament for the singer's missed opportunities or a rebuke to a friend is unclear, but the ambiguity is half the fun.
20. Jack Johnson - "Flake." Features some beautiful slide guitar work from Ben Harper and another great line: "It seems to me that 'maybe' pretty much always means 'no'/So don't tell me you might just let it go." Sad and uplifting all at once.
21. Ben Folds (featuring William Shatner) - "In Love." A rather bizarre choice, it would seem, until you understand that this is Bill Shatner hamming it up on purpose, and the lyrics are pure gold--lines about how all men are the same, we're all trained from puberty to be lying and fickle. It's a hilarious plotting of a doomed relationship that keeps you smirking in the way that only a Ben Folds song can.

There you have it. While I may not be as bitter about being single as I once was, I still find humor in coming up with these set lists. And let's face it--heartbreak and loneliness have made for some of the best music out there, but in terms of pure emotion and in terms of snarky, smirking, smart-ass pop. Both are worthwhile, and there's a healthy dose of each on this set. Happy Valentine's Day, folks.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: ELO, "Evil Woman"