"The Day Breaks, Your Mind Aches"

Morning comes entirely too early most days. Today, I woke up around 7.00 am, and the sun had not yet risen. It's a rather dreary way to begin one's day, waking up before the sun. I don't see how dad does it every single day.

I'm feeling more than physically tired, though. There's a spiritual or mental fatigue as well, a complete lack of motivation to get anything accomplished or to care about anything. This malase, this disease, probably has its root in still being in Oklahoma.

If you look back on things, I've been saying "this is my last semester here" for three semesters now. I planned on being done originally at the end of the fall semester last year. Then it was this past spring. Then it was the summer. Now it's by this December, and I'm starting to worry that my lack of motivation is going to render even that due date null and void.

It truly bothers me that I've become so apathetic towards my goal. I'm listless, restless, bored with what I'm working with and what I'm doing. I can hardly bring myself to even draw comics anymore. There seems to be no joy in anything. I keep finding new music, hoping something I pick up with spark that creativity and joy in me again, but it all seems almost lifeless and pointless.

I need a break. I need to get this Master's Thesis finished and out of the way. I need a change of pace and scenery, and for more than just a handful of hours.

I honestly don't know when or how I'll get a break. I've got to get the Thesis finished first. Putting it off is not going to get me anywhere. It's not going to improve my mood or change the way I feel about anything, except make me more annoyed with myself. That damn Thesis is standing between me and freedom, me and completion, and I'm standing between myself and the Thesis. The stupid thing only needs one more draft. The changes that need to be made to it are minor and deal mostly with adding small details and refining my argument, not unearthing new information. I've really lost interest in it, it seems, and that's bad.

There has to be some way to get myself back on track, something I can do. There has to be a solution, because I refuse to accept the idea that I've condemned myself to never finishing just because I'm bored or in a bad mood.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: The Beatles, "For No One"