"Don't Let It Slide"

So I just got off the phone with Clif, who called not long after I left work. What we lack in consistancy of communication we more than make up for in having really long-ass conversations when we do get around to it.

It sounds like things are finally looking up for him, and he's getting himself back in order and back under control. I know this semester's been rough on him, but there's light at the end of the tunnel and a break coming up in a couple of weeks, which I know he's looking forward to.

He reminded me, though, that there is so little time left in this semester, and that I've been dragging my feet on entirely too many things. I know I have to get the Master's Thesis done. I know I have to research for and write my Medieval Italy paper. I know I need to apply for grad schools. I know all these things, and can't bring myself to do them. I have no enthusiasm for my work anymore, no desire to finish it other than the urge to not ever have to look at it again. And that's no way to motivate one's self to get anything done. I need to finish my papers and applications because these are the things I want to do, not because I'm tired of having them hang over my head. God willing, this week I can get such motivation going and get rid of these nagging doubts that plague me.

Maybe that's why I'm having trouble sleeping--while I'm not focusing on the Thesis every night before I go to sleep, it is hanging over me, haunting me like a spectre. I'm tired of that. I'm just tired in general. Even drawing hasn't been totally enjoyable lately. I feel like I need a break from everything, a moment to let my mind off the hook and not worry about crap for awhile. Dunno if I'll get it or not, though. I just honestly don't know about anything anymore.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: Radiohead, "Subterranean Homesick Alien"