The Walls of Jericho eventually tumbled. Things come crashing down around our ears, the credits roll as the film fades to black, the last cressendo of the song reaches its frenzied peak. Things come to an end. All things. "All things must pass," George Harrison once sang in that sad, meloncholy, hopeful voice of his. "All things must pass away." And it's true: nothing lasts forever. Nothing remains unchanged in this world. Entropy reigns, and something is lost in each transformation. Some energy is always lost.
The impending doom from last week is no longer impending. The apocalpyse is here, and it's not nearly as entertaining as Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman would lead you to believe.
This evening, I found out my parents are separating after nearly thirty years of marriage. One of the constants in my life--their stability and connection and love for one another--isn't there anymore. I feel disconnected from it, though, as though it were someone else doing the realization, not me. It seems like a sick joke, a surreal nightmare, a worst fear made manifest by some cruel god. But it's very real. It's happening as we speak. My father is moving out of their house. I don't know what tomorrow or next week or next month will bring. I don't know how to relate to my parents. I don't know what to think about any of this. It feels like a physical blow, like someone walked right up and stabbed me in the gut with a knife, twisted the blade, and left in there. There's a knot in my stomach that I don't think will ever loosen. My head feels like it's wrapped in cotton, muzzled and fuzzy.
I honestly don't know what happens next, and it scares the hell out of me. I don't know how to deal with this. I never thought I'd have to. But now here it is, staring me right in the face, demanding that I become more of an adult than I was a few hours ago. Whatever was left of my childhood is gone now, and I'm left as an adult who is unsure of what his role is supposed to be in the coming days.
~chuck
Song of the Moment: Bob Dylan, "Simple Twist of Fate"
Monday, September 26, 2005
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I'm sad to say I have an idea what you're going through. Only my folks barely made it to 24 years. That was about 4 years ago now.
You know where to find me if you need to talk about it.
-Dav-
That sucks, man. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks, guys, I really do appreciate it. I've been keeping in contact with both parents, and I'm hoping to avoid taking sides (I know neither of them would consciously try to make me take sides, but there's always the danger they'll do it without realizing it). It's just sort of hard to believe that my parents aren't together...it doesn't seem real at all.
Post a Comment