"What Am I Doing Wrong?"

So on a whim, I was glancing through the Keenspace Guide a while ago, just to see who was in the top 25 and, because I'm a curious little sod, where Dim Bulb Comics fell in the grand scheme of things.

I probably shouldn't have done this.

I hadn't heard of at least half of the top 25 comics. I only knew about a third of the top 50. Turns out Dim Bulb is sittin' pretty in the top 200 (round about 175 or so, I think), which isn't too bad, all things considered.

But a glance at several of the comics that're ahead of us kind of annoyed me.

Not so much because I didn't recognize many of them. No, I'm more than willing to accept that there are popular comics out there I've never read. I know Elf Only Inn, one of the most popular Keenspace comics, was getting 25% of all Keenspace page views a month or two back (which is damn impressive), and has just been tapped by big brother Keenspot. I've never read the comic.

No, what annoyed me was the number of sprite comics that are apparently more popular than Dim Bulb.

I'll admit--there are a couple of sprite comics--8 Bit Theatre and Bob & George, to be precise--that I read regularly. I read 8 Bit because it's damn funny and exceeds the limitations of the sprites through the writing and characterization. I can forgive poor art or using sprites if the writing makes up for it. Bob and George is really mostly just a habit, because I know the guy who does that one established the time-worn tradition of Mega Man sprite comics ("I want to make a comic, and it's gonna be great! I'll retell the story of the Mega Man games, only the characters will be really stupid or really funny somehow! It's the most original idea EVAR!!!!!11111 And they'll all speak in l33t, because l33t is teh funny!"). But Bob and George even occasionally makes me chuckle, so it's acceptable.

But I've seen some of these sprite comics. They're awful. One of the ones that's ahead of us even proclaims it's complete lack of originality by referring to itself as a Bob and George Rip Off.

Now, I'll admit that the idea of a comic based on a couple of college roommates and their wacky hijinks isn't the most original comic idea ever either, but a quick look at my comic would reveal that I've strayed a bit from the formula by adding characters like Tim and Earl into the mix. There's an element in my comics that does not exist in your average "real-life college kids, only with wacky stuff thrown in" comic. That, and I'm actually funny (not always, but 9 times out of 10, it's a pretty solid bet that my comic would be humorous).

And the writing. I like to think I come up with pretty good stories and that my characters are believable within the constraints of the world I've created for them. You couldn't have someone like Tim running around in the real world, but I'll be the first to admit that the world in which Crooked Halo exists is not the same world as this one. A parallel world, perhaps, where things are nearly the same, but not the "real world."

The kicker, though, is that at least I'm drawing something, dammit, and not just recoloring Mega Man sprites and claiming them as "artwork." It seems petty and elitist and conceited, but there it is. I can handle those guys who come up with their own sprites (such as the guy who does Diesel Sweeties, which is another comic where the writing is excellent and far exceeds the art). That takes talent, patience, and creativity. If you want to tell a story, but don't have artistic ability, then be a writer. That's what writers do--they tell stories! You don't have to have a comic to tell a story, y'know.

And for the people vapid enough to actually read these steaming piles of bull honkey, go read a real comic, why don't you?

The previous statement was brought to you by bitterness and bile. Bitterness and bile--making swallowing your pride all the more difficult since 1980.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Tom Lehrer, "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"