"Slowly Breaking Through At Daylight"

I woke up this morning--okay, this afternoon--in a bad mood, and I don't know why. I was grumpy, and not knowing why I'm grumpy only makes me grumpier.

I feel like a lifelong smoker who's given up cigarettes after 40 or 50 years, and the nicotine fits are manifesting themselves as snappish behavior and the urge to rip the juggular out of the throat of anyone who crosses me. And today, crossing me only requires the wrong tone of voice or the least little idyosyncrisy. For instance, the idiot who nearly backed into me in the convenience store parking lot because he wasn't looking when he was backing out. I was standing in the parking lot, cursing the guy out just under my breath (and only just barely...the urge to yell at him was almost overwhelming). Or the guy who was behind me in the parking garage when I was trying to park, who reved his engine and was driving (in my opinion) way too fast inside the parking garage. And then he's sitting there, blabbing away on his cell phone, waiting for the damn elevator even though we're only two flights of steps up from the ground floor. I wanted to scream at him several times, both for driving like a freakin' idiot, for yaking on the damn cell phone like it was an organic part of his body, and then again for being too damn lazy to walk down two flights of stairs. And then, despite the fact that I was on the ground floor well before he, he actually got into the stadium before I did, because he found a closer gate that was unlocked (there are only like two unlocked gates today, it seems, and he found the easier, faster one). So I was cursing under my breath, wondering how this moron got into the stadium before I did.

I have no idea what's wrong with me. I should be in a good mood. Yesterday was a good, albeit long, day, and today is absolutely gorgeous. I think it rained earlier--I heard rain when I woke up at one point, and the ground was wet when I left for work--but it's perfect outside right now. Just a bit of a cool breeze, the sun is shining bright, and the temperature is as near to perfect as I could ask for.

So why am I in such a foul mood?

Part of it is probably just my extremely messed up sleep pattern. There really isn't one right now, and I was awake for about 22 hours yesterday. That's a long freakin' day. I'm also a little sore. The hotel bed Friday night was not the most comfortable thing in the world (a bed of nails might have been more comfortable), so my neck and shoulders are still a little tight and sore. I'm also missing caffine. I had no idea how much soda pop I was drinking until I stopped drinking it, and suddenly the lack of tasty carbonated beverage is affecting me. It's weird--a liquid shouldn't have this sort of effect on my life.

Those are all just excuses, though, just rationalizations for why I feel like taking out my bad mood on other people. And I do feel like doing that, and having to sit here at work for 8 hours isn't going to improve that any. Thankfully, I'm working with Vicki and Ev today. It's hard to stay in a bad mood around Vicki, who has too much energy and has already seen more bitter things in life than I ever will, and Ev always helps me put things in perspective and offers plenty of sympathy. Ah well--it'll all work out. A couple of good nights' sleep, and I'll be right as rain...or ramen. I dunno, whatever.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Counting Crows, "Goodnight Elisabeth"