"Put The Load Right On Me"

I end up listening to my friends' problems a lot. I have that sort of face (figuratively speaking--a lot of times, it's via the internet or phone or some other electronic media) that folks feel comfortable talking to, maybe. I like to think I'm just a comfortable person, that people feel at ease around me, and that they can trust me. And for the most part, I think a lot of people think that, and I like to think it's warranted.

I've noticed something almost amusing lately. Well, not exactly amusing, because the stuff being discussed usually isn't funny (unless it's happening to someone you don't like, in which case it's funnier than hell...but this is stuff happening to people I care deeply about, so it's not so funny). But I've noticed that a few of the people who usually discuss their problems with me have been hesitant to do so. When I asked them why, the answer was actually the same--they felt they were "overburdening" me. I would have laughed if it weren't for the fact that they genuinely believed they were being too much of a burden on me.

This is something I really don't get. I mean, it's not that I'm unaffected by their woes. I am. I'm not so callow as to just listen and let it all roll off my back like water off a duck. It's just that I feel almost like I have...not a duty or obligation to listen, but almost a responsibility. It was drummed into my head at a very young age that anything I could do for people, I should do. Especially for friends--anything that it is within my power to do, I'll do, whatever the personal cost may be. If listening to a friend's problems helps them in some way, I'll do it. I may have my own problems, and they may be difficult for me to deal with, but that doesn't mean I should be oblivious to the problems of my friends. Besides, if I can make someone I care for's life easier, shouldn't I do it?

Besides, enough people over the past several years have listened to my problems without complaint, it's only right that I return the favor, even if it's to different people. It's like paying it forward, I guess, and what goes around comes around. Karma is very real, people--what you do now will have an effect on what comes after, and your reaction to the current situation will shape how life works on down the road.

People have helped me. I quite possibly wouldn't be here if not for some of the very, very close friends I've had over the previous five or six years. They know who they are--the ones who let me cry on their shoulders, who let me bitch and complain and moan about whatever petty thing was bothering me at that time, who held me and told me it'd be okay. Those are the people I dedicate myself to, and my efforts to help my friends in turn. I'm repaying their kindness in the way that would, I think, best please them.

I'm always here for my friends, regardless of the time or the day. It's not a burden to me--it's a privilege.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Elliot Smith, "Between the Bars"