"It's Just Enough To Be Strong In The Broken Places"

Despite my every effort to the contrary, I am a failure as a human being. I am, without a doubt, exceptionally flawed and fallible.

Admittedly, so is every single other person in the world. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying...or trying to sell you something.

But when I say I'm a failure as a human being, what I mean is this--I screw up. A lot. And not just about stupid little things, or even just things that only effect me. I screw up about things involving other people. I misinterpret what I'm told. I jump to (often wrong) conclusions. I commit that most grievous of errors--I assume.

The latter I've noticed in a couple of very obvious lessons of late involving two individuals. The first was when I assumed an acquaintance of mine--not even someone I really knew all that well--was atheist, or at least agnostic at best. And I was completely, totally wrong. I like to pride myself on being a good judge of character and of personality, and I had this girl pegged so completely wrong, it's sad. I just assumed, based on the few things I thought I knew about her, that she wasn't a Christian. It was a terrible thing for me to do, and though I've apologized and she's told me it's not a big deal, it still sorta eats away at my mind.

The second instance dealt with a friend of mine's mother. Everything I'd heard about her mother seemed to be negative. My friend had told me on multiple occasions just how much her mother frustrated her, and how she felt herself becoming more like her mother and how that bothered her. Then in a conversation this past evening, it was completely different--she had nothing but amazing graces on her lips for her mother (and, given the situation, rightly so. The girl's mother went above and beyond the call of even familial duty and obligation in a way that endears this woman I've never met to my heart). I pointed out what seemed to me to be a discrepency--all I'd ever heard was of the negative aspects of my friend's relationship with her mother. But no, come to find out I was mistaken about this as well--her mother was not the heartless harpy I'd envisioned, and for the second time in less than a month, I'd made the mistake of assuming something quite inaccurate and unwarranted. I felt a bit stupid, really.

The second situation reminded me of something that happened a couple of years ago, in a situation rather similiar though with different players. My friend Heather had the habit of telling us whatever was bothering her about her boyfriend. He was, admittedly, rather inattentive at the time (this has since changed, for which I am very thankful). After a particularly upsetting rant, I asked Heather why she was still with the guy. "All we ever hear is how miserable he makes you," I said, speaking for the group (arrogance, folly!). "If he makes you that miserable, why the hell are you still with him?"

Heather looked at me blankly for a moment, then laughed a bit. "Honey, I only tell you the bad things. I don't tell you the good things, because you guys would get sick and tired of hearing about that. He's not that bad, actually." And he's not, really. Heather has presented a more balanced impression of her fiancee since then, and things are fine.

But it all gets me wondering--how many things do I make ridiculous assumptions about without any sort of basis in complete fact? I know that, despite whatever empirical evidence I may have gathered about someone or something, there is always more I do not know. There is always the fact that I'm often basing my opinions and impressions on half-formed, vague ideas and someone else's words. As a historian, I wouldn't rely on someone else to tell me what a primary source says. So why do I do that with people? A question to ponder, to be sure.

I am glad to say, however, that my stupid assumptions have not yet caused any serious problems with my friends. I've done stupid things, they've done stupid things, and we all laugh, forgive, and foget. We grow as people, we learn. Every day, in every way, we are getting better and better. Or at least assuming that we get better.

And let's not forget what happens when we make an assumption. It's cliche, but oh-so true.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Jars of Clay, "Lesser Things"