Thursday, March 16, 2006

"My Life As A Creep"

This evening has just made me feel frustrated with people. People who, ostensibly, care about me. I want to tell both of them to just get over themselves, deal with their own problems, and stop using me as a strawman for their own issues. But, because I'm apparently a weak-willing, too-nice idiot, I'll do nothing except cower in my room all evening, afraid of upsetting the boat further. Have I always been this person? Very likely. Am I likely to change anytime soon? Not very.

I really wish sometimes that I were better at confrontations with people, that I didn't get sputtery and back down and forget how to argue and make a coherent point. Doesn't seem likely that that'll change anytime soon, though. I've been like this for most of my life--especially when I'm arguing with women--and I don't know how to change it. There were times in college when I would be arguing or having a fight with a friend of mine, and I could never muster real words. I'm a fairly eloquent individual, I like to think, but around her I became a pathetic pile of gibberish-spewing moron. I do it around Wen, too, which is frustrating.

Anyway, that's been the evening. That, and struggling with getting tomorrow's comic done and still needing to put together a little quiz for the Civics class for tomorrow (it'd be nice if the student-teacher, who plans for and lead teaches that class, would actually put together her own damn quizes). I think today is indicative of my life: I need to be less of a pushover.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: The Minus 5, "I Don't Wanna Fuck Off Anymore"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Never argue with a woman -- argue with a female person.

So long as you hold womanhood on a pedestal, this will happen to you.

Since I can't imagine your becoming less in awe of womanhood, I suggest that when you need to argue, you shut down your cognizance of gender altogether. You argue with a person, not with a man nor with a woman.

Nice people are people who either fear being disliked or really really enjoy being liked. What nice people forget is the difference between liking as an emotional state, linked with a moment's anger and pleasure and annoyance and enjoyment, and liking as a relationship, a status which transcends the ephemeral emotionality of the moment. If a person only likes you as an emotional state, you must constantly please her or risk her no longer liking you. If a person likes you as a relationship, you can piss her off or charm her or anger her, and the relationship remains. We call only the latter "friendship". The former is not friendship, although nice people often mistake it for one.

Good luck, sir.