"These Are Just Thoughts On Lack-Luster Times"

The past couple of days have been...interesting, to say the least. Ev is concerned that whenever I leave OU, I won't find anyone at my new home who'll challenege me intellectually. 'Manda's haivng issues with the boy she likes (and there's a hell of a lot more to that, but none of it that the rest of you really need to know about). I heard from an old friend of mine from Ozarks, though the circumstances were not as pleasant as either of us would have preferred (her having just been ditched by her idiot husband). Beth's stressing out over all of her (admittedly numerous) projects. I'm not stressing out enough over mine. And I still haven't heard from Ohio State.

Starting to wonder what's going to come of me and my life, y'know? As per usual, it's quite for ages, then everything seems to happen all at once. I almost half-expect Scott to announce at the family dinner tomorrow night that he's gay. Okay, so that's not likely. Even if Scott were gay, he'd never admit it to himself, much less everyone else in my family.

I've felt really unmotivated lately, like I'm moving on autopilot and not really paying attention to what's going on around me. Things are just sorta happening one after the other. Between Point A and Point B, where Point A is waking up and Point B is going to sleep, everything seems a blur. I'm travelling in a straight line, looking neither to the left nor to the right, to the back or the front, but merely staring at the square of the world that exists at my feet. That's no way to live, really.

Right now, above all else, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by fear. And it's not all my fear--I seem to be resonanting with several of my friends right now and picking up risidual fear from them. I'm worried about a half dozen people right now, and I'm falling somewhere near the bottom of my list. Maybe that's why things seem so automatic in my immediate existence lately--I'm shutting myself off from my own worries and concerns in order to focus on those of my friends. I seem oddly disconnected and distant from everything that's happening directly to me, as though it were happening to a stranger. I'd be disconcerted about this, if it weren't for the fact that I don't seem capable of feeling so right now.

Anyway, should go to bed. have to get up early tomorrow and go home.

~chaos cricket

Song of the Moment: Harvey Danger, "Flagpole Sitta"