"Four Dead In Ohio," But I Swear I Wasn't The One To Kill Them

Lord knows I wish I were, though.

Yeah, I finally got fed up with waiting and called Ohio State this afternoon. They told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was not accepted.

That just really sorta takes the cake, y'know?

Funny thing is, I'm not really upset right now. I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm not mad, not sad, nothing. I mostly just feel...empty, numb, distant. Like this is all happening to someone else, and I'm just watching from the outside, a passive viewer, a spectator in my own life.

I'm sure this'll change in the next day or two, but for now, I don't feel anything about it.

I don't really want anyone's pity or sympathy, either. I've already had my fill of it from my parents and grandmother. It's not that I don't appreciate their comfort or their love, just that...I don't want to think about it right now. Not at all. It frustrates me more than I can possibly express using words, but right now, I'm gonna ignore it. Like I said, I don't feel sorry for myself, I don't feel cheated, I don't feel that I could have done any better than I did, or done things any different than I did. Mostly, I just feel defeated.

Something else will come up, I'm sure--but for right now, at this moment, I'm not thinking about any of that.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: U2, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"