"A Rock To Wind The String Around"

So tomorrow is Valentine's Day, usually a day for which I reserve a fair amount of vitrol, hatred, and animosity (and other big, fancy words for "angst and whining"). But to be honest, at this point it's more of a show, a sham, a facade than actual ill will. I don't much care at this point in the game. Sure, it'd be nice to be not single, but aren't there other, more important things? Don't I still have a good number of friends? Etc., etc. It goes on and on. I don't want to bore you with that crap.

Valentine's Day usually also signals the arrival of another Losers: The Soundtrack volume. Well, this year, I'm doing things a little different: it's not just songs about being a loser, but rather a selection of quirky, offbeat love songs...and songs about being a loser, because why totally throw out a tradition, y'know?

So, without further ado or gilding of the proverbial lily, here's this year's Valentine's Day Mix, complete with commentary:

1. They Might Be Giants, "She's an Angel": Honestly, if you're going to do quirky, offbeat love songs, you have to include TMBG. It's actually in the Constitution. They slipped it into the Fifth Amendment when you weren't looking.

2. Ben Folds 5, "Kate": One of the things he likes about her is that she "plays 'Wipeout' on the drums"? Weird. Love song for a hippy.

3. Barenaked Ladies, "Be My Yoko Ono": It's actually a rather sweet sentiment, if you think about it: "I'd do anything for you, even give up a big part of what defines me as a human being, simply because I love you that much."

4. Cake, "Love Her Madly": Mostly for the line "I don't want to sit across the table from you wishing I could run." That sort of fear, elation, and confusion is easy to identify with for me.

5. Elvis Costello, "Spooky Girlfriend": There are probably better, more essential Elvis Costello songs I could have picked, but the idea of having a spooky girlfriend just makes me giggle. Asking someone to be that...that's just golden, that is.

6. Billy Joel, "She's Always a Woman": I like the idea that, regardless of what she says or does to the singer or anyone else, she's still a lady, still a woman. It's a powerful idea to me.

7. Kinks, "Lola": Who hasn't been picked up by a woman in a Soho bar, only to later discover it was actually a man?

8. Flaming Lips, "Fight Test": Still one of the most poignant lost love songs I've ever heard, hands down. The idea of needing to be willing to fight for the person you love instead of standing by and letting them go off with the other guy...damn, the number of times I've done this.

9. Glen Phillips, "Easier": Nothing says love like a Van Gogh reference, really. Self mutilation is sexy, after all.

10. Goldfinger, "Feel Like Making Love": This is one of the crassest ways of trying to seduce a woman I've ever heard. The fact that it probably actually works in some cases is just mind-boggling.

11. Stroke 9, "Little Black Backpack": Really more about wanting to beat the crap out of the guy who stole your girl and then throwing her baggage of choice after her than love, but it's about heartbreak, I guess, so that counts.

12. Moxy Fruvous, "My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors": Seriously, if my girl was in love with a bunch of writers instead of me, I'd just go find a new girlfriend. Of course, the fact that I'd probably be the one fixated on the writers myself is totally irrelevant to this whole conversation. Really.

13. Old 97s, "Big Brown Eyes": Honestly, when you're so down that you're "calling Time and Temperature just for some company," it's time to just accept that it's over and go find yourself a hooker.

14. Blues Traveler, "Canadian Rose": Who doesn't love a pet name like "Ugly American"?

15. Deep Blue Something, "Breakfast at Tiffany's": If the only thing you've got in common with someone is both liking Breakfast at Tiffany's, it's time to just accept the facts that it's over, buddy.

16. Marvelous 3, "You're So Yesterday": The final kiss off, power-pop style. Plus it's got the line "Cool as hell like e-mail/but still timeless like a letter."

17. Mr. T Experience, "Even Hitler had a Girlfriend": I mean, dude, even Hitler got some nookie once in awhile. What the hell's wrong with you that you can't manage to top that fascist bastard?

18. Tenacious D, "Fuck Her Gently": What? Sometimes you need to.

19. Traveling Wilburys, "Dirty World": I'm still not sure if the guy they sing about is in love with her for her body or her car. Regardless, there's some bizarre love triangle/vehicular sodomy thing going that's really funny. Plus you hear Bob Dylan sing that someone's "sexy," and that's surreal enough to warrant a listen.

20. Van Morrison & Bob Dylan, "Crazy Love": A stripped-down, acoustic version of one of Van's most beautiful songs, this time featuring Bob Dylan. It actually works better in this sparser arrangement.

21. Weird Al Yankovic, "You Don't Love Me Anymore": Seriously, if he didn't realize it by the end of the song, then he's got some serious issues.

22. Bob Dylan, "Just Like a Woman": There's a theory that the women featured in Dylan's songs are all either angels or devils, though this one falls somewhere in between. He explores the dichotomy between her apparent toughness and the fact that "she breaks just like a little girl." Maybe not the sweetest song ever, but there's a tenderness to it nonetheless.

So yeah, that's the list. Pretty random in places, but it's got a lot of fun songs on it. Have a good Hallmark Holiday. I've got class, so I get to skip most of the silliness.

~chuck

Song of the Moment: Traveling Wilburys, "Dirty World"